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Sunday Funnies
The Sunday Funnies, Sept. 22 & 23, 2012 Print E-mail

The Sunday Funnies: Top Ten Perks of Being a Senior

10. In a hostage situation, you are likely to be released first.

9. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.

8. No one expects you to run into a burning building.

7. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National Weather Service.

6. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

5. There's nothing left to learn the hard way.

4. You have a party and your neighbors don't even realize it.

3. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

2. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

1. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

 
The Sunday Funnies, Jul. 7 & 8, 2012 Print E-mail

The Sunday Funnies

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. 

At Morris' next checkup, the doctor observed, "You're really doing great, aren't you, Morris?" 

He replied, "I sure am! Doing just as you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"

Stunned, the doctor responded, "I didn't say that! I said, 'You've got a heart murmur. Be careful!'"



 

 
The Sunday Funnies, Jun. 9 & 10, 2012 Print E-mail

The Sunday Funnies

An elderly man lay dying in his bed. Suddenly he smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom. He pulled himself together and with great effort, gripped the stair railing with both hands, crawling down the stairs.

With labored breath, he leaned against the doorframe, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for his bodily pain, he would have thought himself already in heaven: there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. Was it heaven? Or, was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man? 

With heroic effort, he threw himself toward the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted: the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life.

The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife.

"Stay out of those," she said. "They're for the funeral." 

 

 
The Sunday Funnies, Apr. 28 & 29, 2012 Print E-mail

The Sunday Funnies

A Prayer Upon Waking

Dear God:

So far today, I've done all right. I haven't gossiped, and I haven't lost my temper. I haven't been grumpy, nasty or selfish, and I'm really glad of that! But in a few minutes, God, I'm going to get out of bed, and from then on, I'm probably going to need a lot of help.

Thank you! 

Amen.


 



 



 

 
The Sunday Funnies, Mar. 3 & 4, 2012 Print E-mail

The Sunday Funnies

After the fall, Adam was walking with his sons Cain and Abel. As they were passing the locked gates of the Garden of Eden, one of the boys asked, "What's this?"

Adam replied, "Boys, that's where your mother ate us out of house and home."
 

 
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